What is law firm etiquette on wedding invitations?
October 7, 2009
I am an associate in a firm with 55 attorneys. About 30 of those are shareholders, and the rest are associates. My fiance are in a dilemma as to who to invite to our wedding. I regularly socialize with and see all of the associates, so I’d like to invite all of them. However, I only work with a few select shareholders, hardly know most of them, and have not even met 2 or 3 of them. Do I invite all the shareholders or only the ones I work with? Another associate got married last year and only invited those in his practice group, but I thought the rule was if you invite one shareholder, you have to invite them all. The reason I am reluctant to invite all the shareholders, especially those I don’t know, is that I don’t want them to think I am just sending out invitations to them so that they will feel obligated to buy me a gift.
If it matters, at the time of my wedding, I will not have been employed at this firm for even a year yet.
Hello people!?!! This isn’t like working in a local realty office or even at a large business…this is a law office, its a little different….moves you make in your private life can affect your position in these situations.
I can see where you can’t get away with the whole "its your day" agenda that everyone tells women on this site…
I think that if the other associate got away with only inviting shareholders who were in his practice group and didn’t have any problems with it, then I would follow suit. You will not have been working there a year and I think that this would be acceptable in the professional realm.
Feel out your friends at work and get an idea of what they thought about the other person who got married and only invited those in his group too, this will give you a better idea.
12 Responses to “What is law firm etiquette on wedding invitations?”
Invite the people that are close to you only. No need to include strangers.
Good luck
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By Blunt on Oct 7, 2009
I would only invite the people you deal with on a regular basis.
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By hilton hottie on Oct 7, 2009
I think it’s ridiculous to invite people just because etiquette says so. It’s your wedding for goodness sake! Invite only who you want to share your special day with. You don’t have to invite anyone from your work if you don’t want to. It’s not like they can fire you for it. Once again it’s your day! You do what you want!
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By hootie on Oct 7, 2009
There is no real "etiquette" on who you should invite and whom you should not. However, your situation is understandable. My first question would be – how many people are you inviting to your wedding? And do you want to be surrounded by strangers on one of the most important days of your life? If it is just about inviting as many people as possible and your budget allows for it, invite everyone. If you want to be surrounded by friends and family, invite only those whom you have built a relationship with and do not feel guilty about not inviting those you do not know. Honestly, most people who do not know you won’t expect an invitation and probably be relieved that they do not have to dress up once again and purchase yet one more wedding gift this year.
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By storiedevents on Oct 7, 2009
You shouldn’t feel obligated to invite anyone from work. If you really socialize with the other associates, and not just commiserate about the shareholders, then you can invite them if you want.
A fellow associate in the firm where I work invited the entire firm to his wedding. All of the associates felt as if the partners were watching them during the reception. On the following Monday, some of the partners commented on the drinking at the reception. If you only invite the few shareholders that you work with, the other shareholders could feel slighted.
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By Eric D on Oct 7, 2009
Wow! You are really generous to want to include 25 associates and then partners on top of that. I don’t think there is a rule, but I think you can do this pretty simply.
First tier is the people with whom you socialize outside the office (whether they’re associates, staff, or partners). These are people you care enough about to see in your personal time — definitely invite them.
Second tier are the partners with whom you work regularly (which is probably your practice group) and the associates who you like but don’t see outside the office. These people may or may not be expecting an invitation.
Third tier is everyone else.
You can safely cut out anyone in the third tier, and probably a large chunk of the second tier if necessary. The other thing I’d keep in mind is that (from what I’ve observed) guys rarely get their feelings hurt if they are not invited to weddings (it’s usually the women who feel snubbed). And partners certainly don’t want the obligation of having to go to every wedding of every associate in the firm and buy a present. Don’t feel guilty – I guarantee a bunch of your colleagues would consider it a favor if you didn’t invite them.
Good luck, and congrats on your wedding!
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13 years as a lawyer, worked at small, medium, and humongous firms and been invited and not invited to a bunch of attorney weddings.
By Blossom S on Oct 7, 2009
Hello people!?!! This isn’t like working in a local realty office or even at a large business…this is a law office, its a little different….moves you make in your private life can affect your position in these situations.
I can see where you can’t get away with the whole "its your day" agenda that everyone tells women on this site…
I think that if the other associate got away with only inviting shareholders who were in his practice group and didn’t have any problems with it, then I would follow suit. You will not have been working there a year and I think that this would be acceptable in the professional realm.
Feel out your friends at work and get an idea of what they thought about the other person who got married and only invited those in his group too, this will give you a better idea.
References :
By Gracielacey on Oct 7, 2009
The rule is very simple . . you only invite those people who you socialize with "after working hours."
Do not feel obligated to invite "everyone that you work with" just because someone else did.
Invite those people that you are comfortable with and enjoy being with during working hours and after working hours.
You should never send a wedding invitation to a person (or couple) who is going to say, "Who is this?" when they open the invitation.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
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By Avis B on Oct 7, 2009
If you look at most etiquette books they will say you only have to invite those you socialize with out side of work.
Just because you work with them doesn’t mean there your friends. You only want close friends and family to share this special day. Ask your self are these people really that important to you? If they are invite if not don’t, unless you have an ultimated budget then invite every one. Other wise only invite those you want to. Best Wishes and Good luck on you special day.
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By typicalcagirl on Oct 7, 2009
You’re new to the firm, so I think it’s fair to invite only those co-workers (shareholders or otherwise) with whom you’ve worked and are comfortable. If it becomes an issue, you can always explain that you had limited space and could only invite those co-workers with whom you felt closest.
Good luck!
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By corinne1029 on Oct 7, 2009
You do not have to invite all of the shareholders. In a large firm such as the one you work for, there is no intimacy and closeness. Only invite those people, associates and partners, that you work with and feel closely with. Most likely, not all of the attorney even know your name, so when they get the invitaion, they are going to have to do some research to find out who you are.
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Legal secretary, 6.5 years
By lmphslaw on Oct 7, 2009
If there is a bulletin board in a work area that only the associates use, where the shareholders will not see it, you can post an invite there for all of them.
Then, send only the shareholders you are close to an invitation at their home. You may have to ask them for their addresses, so be careful to do this when the others will not overhear.
If there is not a bulletin board like that in the associates area, you may have to send all of them invites to their homes also. Handing them out at work may cause hurt feelings if someone you are not inviting sees you doing it.
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I’m a wedding planner.
By valschmal on Oct 7, 2009