Wedding Invitation Etiquette

Friends of mine suggested that instead of buying a gift they asked their guests to go to a specific travel agent and "donate" money towards a honeymoon.
References :

By Lisalotta on Sep 29, 2009

Congrats. I would talk to a wedding planner for this. I personally hate going to weddings because to me the bride/groom are begging for gifts. I understand a wedding costs a lot of money but if you go all out on your weddings that’s Your business. I may be having financial difficulties and did not ask to be invited. If I bring a gift or not should be my idea. Etiquette is only someone else’s opinion of what something should be. It’s not mandatory.

but if you want to be socially correct. Consult a wedding planner of go to a wedding boutique and maybe ask someone there if they know (besure to act like you’re interested in a dress from there) and then start up a chatty conversation. hey my friend said this was not wedding etiquette…. and then start from there. ask them what do you think. They deal with wedding dresses and may know a little something.

AGAIN CONGRATS TO YOU AND YOUR BEAU.
References :

By hollar at me on Sep 29, 2009

A friend of mine said something to the effect of…in lieu of gifts, please help up make our honeymoon something to remember…she has the same problem feeling embarassed, and her mom suggested veiling it (no pun intended) as in they would be helping pay for the honeymoon…
References :

By spaznskitz on Sep 29, 2009

you can either be frank and tell your guests that you want cash or explain it in your invitations that you already have all you need (which i think is quite a hustle).

remember: you can’t please everyone… either way a guest or two might be offended by what you prefer, but others might like it too instead of wasting their "precious" time looking for gifts, they can just….write a check or something and Give you the money.

sorry i couldn’t think of a ‘catchy’ phrase.
References :

By C.S.Z.B.O. on Sep 29, 2009

It sound good,i mean the sample about visa gift and stuff.But what you can do is tell the close family and friends about it so they can get the word out there.Also you can go to printers and ask if they have other way of giving the massage.Maybe they have different ideas?
References :

By avavu on Sep 29, 2009

We are putting a rhyme on our invitations that says (very nicely) that we already have all we need and would prefer money.
You could try something like:

"We don’t believe in ‘gift lists’ at some expensive store
We have everything we could ever use, and don’t need anymore.
But, if you want to give us something then life would be really sunny.
Please don’t feel offended if we suggest you give us money?"

I wouldn’t stress too much about it as it is actually more normal to ask for money now than ever before.
References :

By TC007 on Sep 29, 2009

Honestly, there is no truly polite way to tell people what sort of gifts you want them to give you, unless you want to bypass gifts altogether, such as "In lieu of gifts, donations to the local food banks would be greatly appreciated".

I recommend you just let your guests bring whatever gifts they like, then be prepared to go on a returning spree. You’ll end up with store credit at a lot of different stores, most likely.
References :

By j3nny3lf on Sep 29, 2009

TC and Jenny have GREAT suggestions!!!

If ever my BF and I decide that we want to get married, we joke that we’ll have to have a yard sale instead of a reception, as we’ve both lived separately for so long that we already have at least 2 of everything!
References :

By Leah on Sep 29, 2009

I had a similar problem, my husband and I were moving overseas so there was no point buying gifts cos it would cost too much to ship. WHat we did, was insert a poem with the invitation. Our poem read:

"When moving to a foreign land,
they will have many adventures grand
None of which could ever compare,
To the wonderful love that the couple now share

They have considered the options
of guests bearing gifts,
but the airline restrictions will soon apply,
to the bride and the groom when home they must fly.

In the place of a gift
with traditional style,
A monetary gift
would bring many a smile.

Now you have the choice
Please do not fuss
The most important thing of all
Is that you come celebrate with us!"

However this poem may be better for your situation:

"More than just kisses so far we’ve shared
Our home has been made with love and care
Most things we need we’ve already got
Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots

A wishing well we thought would be great
(but only if you wish to participate)
A gift of money is placed in the well
Then make a wish … but do not tell

Once we’ve replaced the old with the new
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!

And in return for your kindness we’re sure
that one day soon you’ll get what you wished for!"

Then set up a wishing well and place it on the gift table. This way it leaves it up to the guests what they want to do, but you are telling them in a nice way that money would be more practical. Good Luck!
References :

By Click on Sep 29, 2009

You don’t want to be tacky and you don’t want to sound ungracious.

You are inviting people to witness and share with in your wedding. That’s it. What, if anything, they bring is secondary and any mention of a gift preference in a wedding invitation is borderline greedy sounding – and I don’t think that is what you intend.

Sure, you would prefer getting what you want – don’t we all – but is very tacky to ask for something in particular and I am personally offended by it. (and yes, registry’s are fine as they are only suggestions to help people). But you need to let go and just accept that you can’t micromanage every bit of your wedding. So what if Aunt Bertha gives you a purple and gold bed spread? Get a good laugh out of it.

The best way to go about it is to NOT register, and make sure that the word is spread by word of mouth so that if someone asks "where are they registered" or "what do they want" your friends and family can answer with the "they want money" (in less blunt terms).

You will get boxed gifts and you will regift or donate a lot to Goodwill. So. This isn’t a fundraiser.

This is how my brother and his wife handled things, they got about 80% money and 20% box gifts – half of which 1/2 were really nice and they are happy to keep. The rest they returned, yard saled, or kept for regifting.

And if you are having a shower, expect box gifts. So have a theme shower. No one likes to watch a bride open gift card after gift card.

Good Luck

PS – the exception is when someone is moving overseas – then I think a simple statement reminding guests that you are moving and will not be able to transport gifts is appropriate.
References :

By apbanpos on Sep 29, 2009

DO NOT PUT IT IN YOUR INVITATION THAT YOU WANT CASH!!! It is VERY rude (and very poor etiquette). Instead, you can tell your family and your bridal party that you would prefer cash and rely on them to pass the word. You can also register for things like your honeymoon or a charity instead of gifts. I know that Starwood Hotels and Sandals have honeymoon registries. Even if you don’t want a lot of crap that you don’t need, perhaps you should register for a few small things. Some people would just prefer to give you a gift no matter what. Wouldn’t you rather get something you know you will like instead of something someone else might like?
References :

By MEA on Sep 29, 2009

There is absolutely no polite way to tell people to give you money. That is horribly rude and tacky. Don’t mention gifts in your invitation in any way. Don’t register anywhere. When people ask, then you can say we would prefer cash gifts. Spread the word by word of mouth. Your wedding party should be more than willing to help with that.
References :

By Poppet on Sep 29, 2009

How about a lovely poem at the bottom of your invite, I have just gone through all of our invites to get the wording right.

1. In our house we have the things
that living together normally brings
most household items we’ve already bought
and because of this reason we thought
A wishing well would be great
(only if guests wish to participate)
A gift of money is placed in an envelope
so in the future we hope
to furnish our home to its very best
and always remember it was due to our guests.

2. More than just kisses so far we’ve shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we’ve already got,
And in our home we can’t fit a lot!
A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish …. but shhh don’t tell!
Once we’ve replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness, we’re sure
That one day soon you will get what you wished for.

3. Soon you will hear our wedding bell,
As Friends and family wish us well.
Our household thoughts are not brand new,
We have twice the things we need for two.
Since we have our share of dishes and bedding,
We’re having instead a wishing well wedding.
But more important we ask of you,
your prayers of love and blessings too!

4. Because at first we lived in sin
We’ve got the sheets and a rubbish bin
A gift from you would be swell
But we’d prefer a donation to our Wishing Well!!

5. If choosing a gift you dread,
then place a note in here instead.
How much to give I hear you say,
any amount will be ok.
At the wedding we will provide,
a wishing well to place your gift inside.

Boy we have alot of weddings to go to in the next few months.

Good Luck.
References :

By bubiandme on Sep 29, 2009

You don’t include ANYTHING to do with gifts or money, etc. on your invitation or on an insert. It’s rude and tacky. You are right that you should feel ‘embarassed’ – because you know it’s wrong.
Just ACCEPT graciously whatever people choose to get you for the wedding gift. Even if you get a duplicate, it is actually pretty nice – for example, on the morning your coffee maker decides to quit, that you can just go to the storage room and get a new one out! PLEASE don’t just focus on the gifts!!!
References :

By Lydia on Sep 29, 2009

It isn’t proper to ask for gift card or even items on your registry on the invitation. To tell your guests you expect a gift from them is rude, the invitation should not have strings attached.

If asked you can say you prefer gift card or cash. Word of mouth through the bridal party and family is how this should be done.

You can see if you can register for gift cards to your favorite places.
References :

By no_frills on Sep 29, 2009

Kelly and Sam would like to invite you to our wedding…..admission $100 per person, $150 per couple.
References :

By melouofs on Sep 29, 2009

This question is asked about a thousand times a day.

The answer, however, doesn’t change.

You are hosting a wedding, not a fundraiser.

There is no polite way to ask for money. Please let me repeat that. There is no polite way to ask for money.

It’s beyond tacky to put it on a wedding invitation. It’s just as tacky to include it in a poem. You don’t mention gifts. If someone wants to give you a gift, they do it freely and because they want to.

If you truly have "everything you could wish for" then your invitations should state that "your presence is our gift" because you don’t need the money, either.
References :

By sylvia on Sep 30, 2009

Wow, you probably should have looked at previously answered questions because this gets asked at least once daily, and the general consensus is that its rude to put it on your invites. I like the one person i saw that said that well if you have every thing you need then you don’t need money either!

For the 100th time, its not polite to mention gifts of any kind (money, toasters, whatever) on the invite because it looks like you are soliciting gifts, and that is not what a wedding invite is for, it is to ask a person to celebrate with you, not offset the cost of weddings or honeymoons or anything like that.

It also dictates what people can do with their hard-earned time and money and their is NOT a polite way to do that! They are taking time out of their lives to go buy you that toaster or whatever and you smile and be grateful for that and take the thing back after the wedding and get credit! (and send a nice thank you note!)

The problem is not with wanting money over gifts, its expecting it and telling them thats all you want on your invite. The best thing I could tell you is get it spread by word of mouth through your parents, bridesmaids, whatever, and don’t register. People WILL ask where you are registered at (believe me I got bombarded with this a couple months ago before my weddign) and you can politely mention then that you and your fiance are more than content with what you have but if you still would like to get us something, we would really appreciate a donation towards our (include something here, people want to know their money is being put to good use, not being pissed away, so make something up if you have to….new couch, a dining room table, honeymoon, whatever).
Good luck with it, not everyone wil have a problem with it, but a lot will, and I suspect it will be the people with more to give that you may put off, so broach this carefully! Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
References :

By Ashlie on Sep 30, 2009

Although you alredy have all the household items you need wouldn’t it be fun to get new ones? When you get something you already have donate the old to goodwill. Don’t request money or gift cards. Most people will already recognize your situation and probably give you money anyways.
References :

By mimegamy on Sep 30, 2009

I’ll be blunt.

How horribly rude. No matter how many morons have done this, I would be disgusted if I got an invite begging for money. I would send the B&G a cheap card and that’s it.

If you have everything you need, how bout registering for charity at http://www.justgive.com ? Or, register for a bunch of stuff at Target and then return it all so that you’ll have store credit. You’ll always need trash bags, toilet paper, and the stuff that Target sells, so keep a credit there instead.

I can’t say it strongly enough – it’s very Jerry Springer to ask for cash. No amount of frilly poems will change that.
References :

By These People Scare Me on Sep 30, 2009

Let me just tell you my experience with this.

I was in college and one of my friends was getting married to a man in the military that was getting shipped out the day after the wedding. On the inside of their invitation they wrote the following enclosed in a heart

"Due to their immideate departure to Japan, Kara and Jeff request that those who would like to give gifts do so in only cash form."

I immediately pitched in the garbage I was so digusted. AND THEY HAD A GOOD REASON! You have a shitty reason. Thats why you’re embarassed, because you know deep down that what you want to do here is in the poorest of tatses, and let me tell you, asking in your invitation isnt going to reflect badly on anyone except for you. People will never forget that you did this, I was in college 12 years ago and I can still remeber verbatim what that invite said, and I will remember that display of bad taste until the day I die.
References :

By kateqd30 on Sep 30, 2009

NO HINTS or STATEMENTS PLEASE………………….It is totally unethical, tacky and shows total disrespect for your guests. Forget that idea and hope for the best. You can hint to friends that you and your fiance have everything, but never ever ask for money in gift cards or cash or place the statement on your invitation. Bad bad idea.
References :

By cardgirl2 on Sep 30, 2009

Okay hon, I was in the SAME exact boat as you. Plus I have been to MANY weddings where this has been done.

Honestly, you really cannot put a poem in there or a phrase like "no boxed gifts.." or "in lieu of.." – nothing like that. Its sugar coating rudeness.

What you CAN do, and what you can hope for in return, is Put a slip in the invitation instead of where you would put the registry slip, write only:

"A Wishing Well Will Be Provided For Your Convenience"

then in fine print it says:

"Please Travel Safely, We Look Forward To Sharing Our Day With You"

And just hope for the best.

Mentioning there is a wishing well is the only decent thing, even though THATS not even subtle enough.

Bottom line: People who were going to give you money are going to give you money anyway. Those who were going to give you gifts will bring a gift. No need to TELL them…. the majority of people in this world already know…

Best of luck to you and congratulations!
References :

By Julie S on Sep 30, 2009

Asking for money is really rude and tacky!! Please don’t do it! I can’t believe people actually wrote those things in their invitations. Instead, just let your parents know that you would prefer money and they can tell anyone who asks. Also, most people realize that you’ve been living in your own place for some time and that you don’t actually need any "stuff" – they will probably ask if there’s something you want or if you would prefer money. I’ve done this for the last few weddings I’ve been to and they’ve all said they would prefer money – so money it is. It’s like you’re just moving out of your parents’ home and need a lot of stuff – most people will realize this.
References :

By RowerGirl on Sep 30, 2009

I am going to get married myself next year and I think its very tacky to ask for monetary gifts openly. First of all, no one wants to read a 5 page poem on how and why they should give the B&G money. With that being said, they, surely, would feel very disgusted to see it in the invite as well. So what I plan on doing is spreading the word. Word of mouth is always best and if that doesn’t work, you should welcome any and all gifts. You want your wedding to be memorable but not for all the wrong reasons.

By Victoria F. on Oct 12, 2009

You know what.
Asking for cash is NO DIFFERENT then asking for GIFTS by REGISTERING.

Someone up there said they had a bad taste in their mouth after reading the invitation asking for cash. Well, I find every bridal registry REPULSIVE. The fact is simply that you guys in the States are used to registries instead of cash.

By sonya smith on Oct 25, 2009