Wedding invitation etiquette and timing?
July 16, 2008
One of my distant friends is getting married this weekend; while this person invited everyone else in our circle of mutual friends weeks ago, he did not invite me.
When we spoke today, I jokingly asked, "So, where's my invitation?" expecting that, perhaps, there was not enough room, etc. He said, "Oh, you'll be getting one."
However, he told me on Tuesday night that I would be getting an invitation (I haven't actually received it yet) – and the wedding is on Friday evening! I might not see the physical invitation until Wednesday or Thursday, and until then, I won't know the time nor place! I won't have any time to get a wedding gift, let alone find something to wear.
Even if I do not attend, am I still expected to get a gift, seeing as that I'm on such short notice?
If you do not receive an invitation, you are not invited.
Your friend is being rude by leading you on, and because it is rude to not send all the invitations at once. (It was also not polite of you to "fish for" an invitation– but what he did is much worse.)
You may gift, or not, as you desire. Wedding gifts are never mandatory. If you do choose to gift, you NEVER take the gift with you to the wedding– you send it to their home.
I, personally, would no longer want to be friends with someone who treated me so poorly– let alone sending them gifts to reward them for their horrid behavior!
10 Responses to “Wedding invitation etiquette and timing?”
I think he just said that and dodged a bullet — badly.
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By whitexsaucer on May 15, 2007
Okay, first off, the invitations should be sent way before the week of the wedding. Like weeks or months before. Secondly, It's perfectly Okay to send the gift after the actual wedding (I would wait about a week to send it if they are going on their honeymoon), and it is polite to get a gift for them even if you don't go. If you want to go to the wedding and need to know the time and place, ask somebody who already got their invitation, and start preparing.
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By warplesnorkle on May 15, 2007
I agree with the top answer.
If not, then its up to you whether you buy them a gift or not really.
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By FOOF on May 16, 2007
Make a mental note to yourself to never do this again, you have put both of you in terribly akward positions by "joking" around with that question.
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By kateqd30 on May 16, 2007
You probably weren't invited until you asked! You put him on the spot, and he didn't know what else to say. I bet he dropped the invite in the mail to you as soon as he got home!
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By duritzgirl4 on May 16, 2007
If you do not receive an invitation, you are not invited.
Your friend is being rude by leading you on, and because it is rude to not send all the invitations at once. (It was also not polite of you to "fish for" an invitation– but what he did is much worse.)
You may gift, or not, as you desire. Wedding gifts are never mandatory. If you do choose to gift, you NEVER take the gift with you to the wedding– you send it to their home.
I, personally, would no longer want to be friends with someone who treated me so poorly– let alone sending them gifts to reward them for their horrid behavior!
References :
Miss Manners books
and
etiquettehell.com (discussion board)
By Etiquette Gal on May 16, 2007
Typically you send out wedding invitations 6 weeks before the wedding. So it seems pretty odd that he would wait till the week of. I would be surprised if you even get the invitiation he mentioned, as I doubt he is sending one. I would not get them a gift, this person does not seem like they are a very good friend to me. For our wedding we didn't send invitations to all of our friends (because of cost of invitations) but we let them know that they were invited long before the wedding (like months).
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By Can You Help Me? on May 16, 2007
If you did not receive a formal invitation I would not send a gift.
Even if you did, you are not required to send one whether you can go or not.
Less than a week to get an invitation out, responses back, AND the information to the companies they reserved with?
Something smells fishy.
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By Terri on May 16, 2007
You don't have to give a gift. You may if you choose. I doubt he will go through the wedding list to see who didn't cough one up! Don't worry about it.
Either he was trying to make you feel good, and didn't really intend to invite you, or he messed up. You should never send invitations that closely to the time, for exactly the reasons you mentioned!
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By Lilli on May 16, 2007
here is my opinion..
i am getting married in august and i am NOT inviting all of my friends (mostly because of cost factors). I think that your friend did not invite you and when you asked you made him feel obligated to send you an invitation. Wedding invitations are usually sent out about 6 weeks for the wedding~ and the reception people need to know food number atleast 42 hours ahead of time. so i think that you are not invited to his wedding. you can go to the ceremony if you want (as anyone can show up there) but i think you are not invited to the reception as you have invitation yet. sorry dude!
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By stephanie on May 16, 2007