Wedding invitation etiquette?
January 28, 2010
I sent my wedding invitations out over 3 weeks ago. I’m still not getting responses. I guess this is more of a rant…I cannot believe that people are so rude and haven’t returned their replies by the deadline!
My question…if the BRIDE herself personally called you and asked you if you were ever going to send back an RSVP, would you feel embarrased? It’s bad enough that I don’t want half of these people coming…my family is huge and we have to invite all of them or become the outcasts. I haven’t seen most of them since I was 2 years old…and I would never be able to point half of them out in a crowd!
Anyway, what is the best way to get my point across to these losers who have absolutely NO etiquette? I’ll be calling them all within the next day or so.
Thanks,
Bridezilla
I had the same problem. We gave them 6 weeks to reply but needed a number for the caterers after the deadline.
I called everyone who didn’t return the RSVP card. I didn’t beat around the bush but simply told them that I hadn’t received the reply card and was trying to get more definite numbers of who would be attending. They all understood this and simply replied to me over the phone.
I agree it is quite rude. If they expect to be fed, they should send in their numbers so there is enough food!
17 Responses to “Wedding invitation etiquette?”
I would have your MOH call or you can just send out a "reminder" email to everyone (if you have email addresses). People are really bad about remembering to RSVP, I had to call most of my guests too. I just called to "chat" about other things and then casually brought up that they should RSVP.
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By Evil Autumn on Jan 28, 2010
LOL!!! You are too funny. I’m kind of going through the same thing. My invitations went out a few weeks ago and I haven’t gotten very many responses yet. I guess some people just like to wait until the last minute.
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By B2B 10/25/08! :) on Jan 28, 2010
I didn’t get most of my RSVP until the day of the deadline. I guess some people though that by saying "Reply by X date" that meant on X day! I only had to "hunt one down 10 days before the wedding. Other ones I simply assumed that they wouldn’t show up and didn’t bother.
On the ones that we didn’t know, we sent a "reminder" email. If no reply, we counted them as a no.
You are not being bridezilla, rather, you have guestzilla! LOL!
Good luck
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By Blunt on Jan 28, 2010
I think it is really rude to not reply by the date given. You need that information for planning/caterers etc. and people should know that. Unfortunately now you have to call them all (which is such a waste of your time, another reason why it’s rude of your guests).
They should feel embarrassed about not responding in time, 3 weeks is enough time to check your schedule and pop a card in the mail! Just be super polite and sweet as candy on the phone, yet casually mention that you can’t talk long because you have XXX other people who never responded to call too. If you’re really nice about it then they will feel even worse, which I think they deserve!
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By Bridal Muffin - 11/21/09 on Jan 28, 2010
I had the same problem. We gave them 6 weeks to reply but needed a number for the caterers after the deadline.
I called everyone who didn’t return the RSVP card. I didn’t beat around the bush but simply told them that I hadn’t received the reply card and was trying to get more definite numbers of who would be attending. They all understood this and simply replied to me over the phone.
I agree it is quite rude. If they expect to be fed, they should send in their numbers so there is enough food!
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By SoCal Country Girl on Jan 28, 2010
Forgive me but I thought the invitations went out 6 weeks before the wedding? Feel free to call them especially if you need a final count for the caterers.
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By Foolish Pleasure Hates STUPID on Jan 28, 2010
I would enlist your parents to make the calls. If they invited them, they have to make the calls. My fiance and I were adamant on having an intimate wedding with ONLY people we knew, but I caved and let my mom invite a few of her business associates, but the deal was, she was in charge of them … including getting me their addresses, notifying them of important information and making sure they RSVP. She was more than happy to take on that responsibility.
Otherwise, you and your fiance will have to bit the bullet and call them. Gosh, it’s so awful because really? How hard is it to stick a piece of paper in the mail? But not everyone has their head of straight like we apparently do. So just be polite and say, "Hi, how are you? As you know, the deadline to RSVP to our wedding is here, and to ensure that we save you a seat, we do have to know if you’ll be attending."
But both sets of parents should help with that, especially if the guest list is over 80 people.
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By SChi25 on Jan 28, 2010
Do you have a wedding planner or someone that is helping your coordinate? If you do let them do the the calling for you. Sometimes a third party is best and you will get a more accurate number for your guest list. If you call, people may say that they will attend, when they won’t. Good Luck!
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By Kimmy5519 on Jan 28, 2010
Not that I’m defending not rsvping on time, but it happens I’m sure not every one is being rude some may have a good reason. Anyway just split up the list of people between your bridesmaids and just have them say "hi this is so and so I’m {Your name here}’s bridesmaid. You missed the RSVP date so I’m just calling to see if you’re attending the wedding.". Most people probably forgot what date they needed to RSVP by or forgot what date today is.
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By Amie87 on Jan 28, 2010
Get your mom or some family member to call. I had my mom call people who I "had" to invite and check whether or not they were planning on coming.
Though I do agree with you, it is incredibly rude to not reply by the deadline.
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By ..a mrs... :) on Jan 28, 2010
Have his family call their family. Have your mom call your family.
Just say that some replies got lost in the mail so we were wondering if you sent your in get. If the didn’t than ask them if they will be joining them at _________ and _________ wedding on date.
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By ____ on Jan 28, 2010
if you think they are all such losers why would you invite them? if they are such losers you wouldn’t care if you were an outcast! seems to me that for this moment in time you have signed your rant exactly right – but now that you have gotten it off your chest and calmed down you might consider the following:
first of all three weeks isn’t that long especially if some of the folks are coming from a distance. so giving them only three weeks to reply isn’t much time and that is something that is your fault – not theirs.
it may have taken a week for the invitation to reach them, they now have to look into travel arrangements, changing work schedules, finding babysitting, hotels reservations etc..
even those in town have to make arrangements whether it be in daycare, or a day off work for them. attending a wedding can be expensive once you tally up all the above as well as a gift – so you have to understand that they want to make sure they have their plans in place before mailing their response to you. the mail back could take a week to reach you as well.
i would suggest you don’t be phoning people or making scenes. people will get back to you a.s.a.p. and if they haven’t then you nicely ask your bridal party or family to give them a polite and friendly call asking them if they even received their invitation! mail does get lost at times so they may not have or they may have mailed their response and you never received it.
and if you ever get married again be a little more considerate and give folks more than three weeks notice of such an event!
if the bride phoned me after giving me short notice and had your attitude i wouldn’t be embarassed but i would be very offended at her lack of manners. i wouldn’t attend and i wouldn’t be sending a gift to someone so rude. – sorry but you did ask.
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By just me! on Jan 28, 2010
Give a few days after the RSVP deadline, because they still need to travel to you. If you said "RSVP by September 9" some people will treat that as "get it in the mail by September 9".
If they haven’t RSVP’d then they are probably some of the people who think RSVP means "if you’re coming say so". Call them and say that you’d asked for an RSVP, not just for a response if they were coming. They’ll figure it out quickly enough.
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By Christine on Jan 28, 2010
wow, you never should have let yourself get bullied into inviting people you haven’t seen since you were 2. I don’t come from a cohesive family either and wouldn’t invite most of them but I’m not getting married so that’s besides the point. do you mean you only gave them 3 weeks to RSVP? you should have sent your invites earlier and allowed them more time to respond.
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By D4Pres2012 on Jan 28, 2010
How much more time do people have to send back their responses? If it’s several more weeks, then you are definitely overreacting. Most people send responses near the end of the period because their schedules firm up and they can give you a firm yes or no, which is much better for you than having people change their minds at the last minute.
If they only have a couple of days left, have your mom, friend, whoever call and follow up. They can say something as simple as "Hi Mrs. Jones, Suzie hasn’t received your RSVP for her wedding and we were concerned you never got your invitation. Has it arrived?"
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By truefirstedition on Jan 28, 2010
LOL! Sorry, but I remember how you feel and am soooo glad to be done with it! Dealing with invitations and the guest list is such a pain in the rear!
I would definitely enlist the help of your parents to call these people up and get their RSVPs. Stuff happens and for whatever reason people don’t always send theirs in on time. I know before I got married and understood wedding etiquette that I would throw out the RSVP card if I wasn’t going!
Good luck!
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By krissy7490 on Jan 28, 2010
Wow, Bridezillla is right! Your wedding may be the most important day of your life, but not others. Kindly call them and state that you hadn’t received their response by the deadline and you need to know if they will be attending or not.
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By PugMom on Jan 28, 2010