Wedding Invitation Etiquette.?

January 25, 2010

Wedding invitation etiquette states that when inviting an couple who you know are either engaged or in a long-term relationship and who do not live together you either put both names on the invitation and send it to the person you know most OR you send 2 separate invitations to both people.
iVillage’s "Sharon Naylor is the author of The Essential Guide to Wedding Etiquette" has this to say about – "TOP ETIQUETTE MISTAKES IN INVITATIONS: "Putting ‘And Guest’ when the recipient is in a long-term relationship or is engaged. Again, this is a research thing. Find out the names of your guests’ guests – you can call them directly if you have never known their significant other’s name, or ask a friend or relative for the info. It’s a gracious move that is the essence of good invitation etiquette."
http://weddings.ivillage.com/etiquette/etiquette/0,,naylor_bxsvgkr9-3,00.html
Also FrugalBride.com says "and guest" is only to refer to single people to bring a guest.
Follow these rules! Agree?!

Clearly you are referring to your post from earlier about your fiance being invited to his sister’s wedding with his name "and guest" instead of your name. However, you have deleted that question because of how clearly irate and irrational you are about this topic….so now you are looking for confirmation that you were wronged without showing everyone the backstory. *sigh*

To answer your question: Yes, proper etiquette says send two seperate invitations, or send to the parties with both names on the invite…and I think that is the way it should be done. However, sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes they don’t know the partner’s name.

In your case, they want your fiance there, no matter who he is with…because it is his sister’s wedding. Yes, you are engaged, but you are NOT married. Things could change between you and your fiance before the wedding, so by inviting him "and Guest" they are inviting the only sibling of the bride, and allowing him to bring whomever he wishes, since he is not married yet.

Please try not to take it personally, and let it go…Even your name says "Hurt". Come on….it is a piece of paper!! Two words! It was addressed John Doe "and guest"….not addressed to John Doe "and that jerk he is probably marrying". Now, THAT would have been insulting!

Inviting him "and guest" instead of addressing you by name was thoughtless and quite possibly rude, but not malicious. It is someone else’s wedding. If they want to word their invitations in a way that is not proper etiquette, that is their poor manners…not a reason for you to lose your mind.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette

  1. 18 Responses to “Wedding Invitation Etiquette.?”

  2. Yes.
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    By fizzystuff on Jan 26, 2010

  3. Sounds good to me. Any problem?
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    By Mom of 2 on Jan 26, 2010

  4. absolutely agree!
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    By confusedgirly on Jan 26, 2010

  5. I agree. If you send an invite to a couple that are engaged you must place both names on the invitation. I would send and invite to both people if possible. FrugalBride is correct "add guest" does only refer to a single person.
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    By Joy on Jan 26, 2010

  6. Clearly you are referring to your post from earlier about your fiance being invited to his sister’s wedding with his name "and guest" instead of your name. However, you have deleted that question because of how clearly irate and irrational you are about this topic….so now you are looking for confirmation that you were wronged without showing everyone the backstory. *sigh*

    To answer your question: Yes, proper etiquette says send two seperate invitations, or send to the parties with both names on the invite…and I think that is the way it should be done. However, sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes they don’t know the partner’s name.

    In your case, they want your fiance there, no matter who he is with…because it is his sister’s wedding. Yes, you are engaged, but you are NOT married. Things could change between you and your fiance before the wedding, so by inviting him "and Guest" they are inviting the only sibling of the bride, and allowing him to bring whomever he wishes, since he is not married yet.

    Please try not to take it personally, and let it go…Even your name says "Hurt". Come on….it is a piece of paper!! Two words! It was addressed John Doe "and guest"….not addressed to John Doe "and that jerk he is probably marrying". Now, THAT would have been insulting!

    Inviting him "and guest" instead of addressing you by name was thoughtless and quite possibly rude, but not malicious. It is someone else’s wedding. If they want to word their invitations in a way that is not proper etiquette, that is their poor manners…not a reason for you to lose your mind.
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    By Kat on Jan 26, 2010

  7. i think it is a nice way to handle things… but who is to say that in the time frame of the wedding you and your significant other don’t have a falling out?? then what is proper?? i say.. if you are not married you get invited w/ guest if married it is to be addressed to the husband and wife….
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    By JEANETTE on Jan 26, 2010

  8. I agree with you, when a person invited to a wedding is in a long term relationship–regardless if they’re engaged, living together, etc., their partner is automatically invited as well. This is to be done by putting both names on the invite like this, "John Doe and Mary Smith." Wording it "John Doe and guest" is considered rude in most circles.

    I agree that following etiquette is important, but I also think that you shouldn’t get upset if you’re the victim of a breach of etiquette, because THAT is poor etiquette as well. Like my mother used to tell me, 2 wrongs don’t make a right. I’m assuming you’re upset about this subject because of your name, "hurt."

    p.s. and I’m glad I’m not the only one here who recognized this question from earlier–only the earlier question has been removed….

    p.p.s. And you better quit going on and on about this etiquette breach about the invitation, or when YOU’RE planning your wedding, your mother in law has EVERY RIGHT IN THE WORLD to remind you of every little "rule" that you break. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw bricks. GET OVER THIS AND MOVE ON!!!
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    By basketcase88 on Jan 26, 2010

  9. I answered your question you removed from this section.

    Sure they COULD have put your name down, but they did not. SO they made a mistake. THIS HAPPENS!

    You should not let something as silly as how you are stated on the invitation get to you so much.

    As Sylvia stated below…

    GET OVER IT
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    By Terri on Jan 26, 2010

  10. Yes! A little simple research can really go a long way.
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    By LB on Jan 26, 2010

  11. I would think about the couple at hand and decide what would work best for them. Would either of them care if the envelope went to the other one? I would probably put both names on it and send it to the woman if it is a heterosexual couple.She would probably care more.
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    By ciao_gina on Jan 26, 2010

  12. Are you still going on about this?

    I’m assuming you deleted your previous question because the Y!A community gave you insight you didn’t like, so you’re trying to get some support to justify this little tantrum.

    Look, you can’t change the fact that your future MIL addressed the invitation to your fiance and guest.

    Technically, he’s not married, so that makes him single by default, so if you really want to split hairs, that’s perfectly fine.

    Are you really going to risk ruining your future sister-in-laws celebration and your relationship with this woman over this? I said it before, and I stand by it – Get. Over. It.
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    By sylvia on Jan 26, 2010

  13. Eh… I just finished doing MY SISTER’S wedding invites…some people were listed together, some people may have had a steady girlfriend… I feel like, unless I directly know you, or unless I ABSOLUTELY know your last name, I’m going to put the person I know, along with "and guest" then on the inner envelope, you can write "John and Sue"

    It’s really not a huge deal that someone invited your boyfriend "and guest", they could have just invited him.
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    By Gem on Jan 26, 2010

  14. It can be tempting to limit your list by not inviting your single friends with guests — and that’s just fine, if they truly are single. But if they’re married, engaged, living with someone, or in a long-term relationship, you must invite their significant other (yes, even if you’ve never met him or her). Not only that, but you should include the significant other’s name on the invitation — don’t just write ‘and Guest’ if there’s a specific person in your friend’s life.
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    By alavishaffaire on Jan 26, 2010

  15. I also posted to your earlier, now deleted question on the same topic. And while I agreed with you that your name probably should have been included on the inner envelope, I also think you should let this issue go and get over it. If you let your MIL upset you over something this minor, I think you may have many, bigger problems still to come if you marry into this family. LET IT GO.
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    By Elle C on Jan 26, 2010

  16. I am in accordance with Elle C.

    And you know what??? Even if you find 1,000 people here on YahooAnswers who agree with you, you still have to learn to be civil and get along with your MIL. Do yourself a favor and let this go…there are bigger tragedies in life to worry about.
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    By nellbelle7 on Jan 26, 2010

  17. I was hurt when I was refereed to as "guest" for my boyfriends best friends wedding. We had hung out with the couple, I was living with my boyfriend at the time, and I’m "and guest." What hurt even more is that my fiance and his best friend work together, it wasn’t a chore to ask for my name!!
    Now that we’re engaged I made sure to get the names of the significant others. It’s really not that hard to track the information down!
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    By kimandryan2008 on Jan 26, 2010

  18. I agree….with Kat.
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    By lalala on Jan 26, 2010

  19. I would think most often one would just put "and guest" for all invited guests who are not married, giving them the option on whether to bring a guest or not. Obviously if they are engaged, or have been dating a long time, they would be bringing that person along with them. However, I don’t think putting the guest’s name is necessary.
    You will understand when you are handwriting out all the addresses and inner envelopes for over 200 invitations!
    Just remember, printed etiquette somewhere does NOT always trump common sense.
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    By Lydia on Jan 26, 2010

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