Comments on: Wedding etiquette for invitations.?

By: kill_yr_television

kill_yr_television — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 19:17:59 +0000

First, get used to the idea that you are not going to have a perfect wedding. There are simply too many variables, too many things that you cannot control. If your wedding is fun, festive, and pretty to look at then you have done just fine. "Perfect" is just too high a standard.

There is nothing incorrect about inviting only adults to a social function. You invite every guest by name (no &family or &guest stuff) and those not named are not invited. You assume that your guests are polite people and would not dream of bringing a child if that child’s name did not appear on an invitation.

"But wait," you are thinking, "some of my guests aren’t exactly RUDE people but they may not understand that the invitation is for only those invited by name." You handle that by doing your RSVPs by phone. You don’t take and make all those calls personally, you get groomsmen, bridesmaids, friends, and family to handle the calls. These helpers are prepared to say things like "There’s some misunderstanding. Lisa, Bart, and Maggie aren’t on the guest list, just Marge and Homer. … Yes, I’m quite sure the children are not invited. Suppose you talk it over with Homer and let us know in few days whether we should expect one adult or two adults … or whether we should mark The Simpsons as not attending."

Doing RSVP the old fashioned way, by phone, will not only give you greater control of your guest list, it will save you a lot of money. Nothing to print, and nothing to put stamps on. It also lets you (your helpers) give driving directions, give hints on what to wear, discuss menu choices, and so on without cluttering up your elegant formal invitations. Further, it creates a golden opportunity for people to ask your helpers "What sort of gift would the couple like?" so make sure your helpers are prepared to say something like "They both love gardening and football, they’re registered at K-Mart and Neimann-Marcus, and they’d welcome contributions to the honeymoon fund."
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By: Astro

*Astro* — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 19:08:59 +0000

My friend just got married at the beginning of this month as what she did was just put the adults names on the invitation and excluded the children’s names or added "and family" invite.

EG: Joe and Joeanne Bloggs

My friend said that those people who had children didn’t even question her about whether or not children were able to attend – as they weren’t on invite, therefore, they knew they weren’t invited
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By: Gabby

Gabby — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:36:59 +0000

Children 18 years and older should receive their own invitations. If you are inviting children younger than 18, add their names to those of their parents. If you do not wish to have any children at your wedding, do not put this in the invitation, but rather provide this information to the guests when they RSVP. If you do want to state this on the invitation, then do so discreetly.
References :
Wedding invitations FAQs
http://nuptia.ca/content/view/455/286/

By: Future Mrs. Hayward 7-17-09

Future Mrs. Hayward *7-17-09* — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 17:57:59 +0000

It is perfectly acceptable to write "Adult reception." I didn’t include that on my invitations (but I’m hoping guests get the hint when the envelope doesn’t say "and family.") I don’t think it’s rude…. most people expect that receptions are adult only.
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By: drip

drip — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 17:17:59 +0000

Etiquette state you shouldn’t put Adult only" on your invitations.
The outside envelope should say
Mr and Mrs Doe
inside envelope should say
Joe and Jane
No family or kids names.
Unfortunately some people don’t have a clue this means children are not invited.
Since you are only having 50 guests I would let it travel by word of mouth this is an adult only wedding.
I had 90 guests at my wedding and filled out the invitations as above. I did have one cousin reply back with her children included. I called her and explained that we would love to see their children, but this was an adult only reception and could I still put you and your husband down as coming? I didn’t go into an explanation as to why children weren’t invited. Sorry but that can open you up to. Oh I will pay for them to come, or they can sit on my lap, or they won’t be any trouble.
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By: FJSchon

FJSchon — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 17:04:59 +0000

I was in a wedding last summer and designed my friend’s invites. She didn’t want kids at her wedding, so we just put on the bottom of the reply card, "Adults only, please" in small italic letters. I think one family was offended because they were coming from out of state and didn’t know what to do with their kids. Out of 300 people, that’s not too bad. It turned out fine and everyone was happy. I wouldn’t worry about it. If someone asks, explain your situation. I know what you mean, I’m going to have close to 40 kids at my 160 person wedding. It’s a lot of little people taking up a lot of room. Thankfully I’m not limited, but people will understand. Don’t worry.
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By: Christine

Christine — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:30:59 +0000

Having an adults-only reception is generally considered ok. Kids are the one exception to the rule of not inviting people to the wedding who you don’t invite to the reception. People will, however, assume that the kids are invited to the wedding, unless you say otherwise. (Specifying that the reception is adult only implies that there is some difference).

Bear in mind that many people won’t end up coming, because it can be a real hassle, and if you’re excluding the kids, people can see that it’s not a "the entirely family has to be there" event. But they’re unlikely to be offended.
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