Question about wedding invitation etiquette…?

November 20, 2009

I am NOT getting married anytime soon, but I’m curious about something. I’m around a lot of people currently planning their wedding, and one of the things they seem to be unsure or not is who to invite from family…

I was wondering what people do when one side of the family is huge (for example, I have 14 aunt-uncles, all married, all have children so I have about 50 cousins that’s not including their spouses and their children… that’s only on my dad’s side) but on my mom’s side, there is only 1 uncle, his wife, 3 children (and their children).

What I’m wondering is, can you invite just aunts-uncles from one side, but invite cousins from another? Or is it considered bad?

My brother, as well as my current brother-in-law, are planning their weddings, and they seem to be stuck on who to invite, since they can’t afford to invite ALL cousins from each side… (my bf’s family is pretty big too, heh).

so, any thoughts? Bad etiquette to invite the would-say only 3 cousins from side, but no cousin from other side?
Hrmmm. Not my wedding. This is a hypothetical question, as well as trying to get some insight to help two family members who are banging their heads against the wall trying to plan their wedding.
All the family lives near them… And we see them all the time! lol.. dilemma… Their venue is free, so at least they don’t have that cost… and we’re looking into helping out (I’d pay for the cake, my parents would pay for the booze, etc), to allow for more guests.. but it’s complicated with such a huge family! It’s not a question of "balance" in the church, mostly just costs (and number of people in the venue!!!). Inviting cousins from my father’s family would mean about 150 more guests if they bring some children! (And they won’t do a no-kids policy, all family events allow kids, and we will have our own kids there so…)

I’ve judged it on how often I see them. I have several cousins who I see at pretty much every birthday, xmas, easter so they’re all invited. But some cousins live interstate and I only see them once every couple of years, so they won’t be invited. I can’t help if they get offended. the budget can only stretch so far.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette

  1. 13 Responses to “Question about wedding invitation etiquette…?”

  2. it really depends if youre close to them or nt, we are in the same situation, there are only 4 people on my side and 35 on his, and thats just the ones we have invited!

    if you are close to the cousins on the big side then yes they should be invited but if you arent really close then theres no reason why they should.

    we had to make the decision to not invite anyone we hadnt spoken to since we got engaged (2yrs ago) this cut out a lot of his family, his dads brother and kids are coming but his mums arent, because we arent close

    so make it a judgement call
    References :

    By MRS*K*2B! on Nov 20, 2009

  3. Invite those who you are closest to. That is the best way to do it. No matter what you do, someone will be upset that they weren’t invited (unless you invite everyone you have EVER met!), so go with those you really want there with you. Don’t let others treat it as a family reunion, it’s you and your fiance’s day, so enjoy it!
    References :

    By Mrs♥B2b on Nov 20, 2009

  4. we invited grandparents, aunts, uncles, and parents… we are in our mid 30′s so most of our first cousins are all on their own and not living at home with their parents anymore… we elected not to invite cousins because of the budget we have. If the family invites are not even for both sides ( that is what it is for us too ) then on the side of the family that has less family, seat more friends on that side to keep it even… you will continue to second guess yourself, but try not to… make the list, mail the invitations and don’t look back… keep trucking forward…
    References :

    By Jeanette on Nov 20, 2009

  5. I’ve judged it on how often I see them. I have several cousins who I see at pretty much every birthday, xmas, easter so they’re all invited. But some cousins live interstate and I only see them once every couple of years, so they won’t be invited. I can’t help if they get offended. the budget can only stretch so far.
    References :

    By Lauren B on Nov 20, 2009

  6. (OK just so you know when i say you, i mean you in general not personally you.) I think if you invite one you have to invite all. They would be offended if they found out that they were not invited. If your not close, chances are they will decline anyways. (more likely if they live far away) As far as cousins go, same deal. If they are not close to you they will most likely decline. I set an age limit at my wedding. No one under the age of 16, that cut down on family friends asking if they can bring their (bratty) children to the wedding. I would say its bad etiquette to only invite a few. But i didn’t pay for my wedding so cost was not as much as an issue. If they cant afford it, Invite who they want and when people call and say hey why wasn’t i invited say look were really sorry but we just couldn’t afford to have more than X amount of people. Were terribly sorry blah blah blah. But keep this in mind to, If you don’t invite them to the wedding, Its not nice to invite them to showers too. Its like saying hey your not good enough for us but your money is.
    References :

    By Gavins Mama on Nov 20, 2009

  7. You invite people you are closest to. If you have 50 people on your side to invite then you choose the 50 closest you don’t try to make it even from all sides.
    References :

    By Luv2Answer on Nov 20, 2009

  8. To me, it really depends on the size of the wedding. If you’re having a huge formal celebration with 400 guests, it would be a total slap in the face not to invite cousins from one side of the family. However, if you were shooting for a more intimate, smaller (less than 100 guests) wedding, I’m sure your extended family would understand if you limited the guest list to only the relatives you feel closest to. You can go ahead and expect one or two relatives to feel slighted and get their feelings hurt when you don’t invite them, but in my opinion, it is worth the risk of ruffling the feathers of a couple of relatives you really don’t even know all that well if it means you get the day, the party, and the budget you feel you wanted.
    References :

    By fizzygurrl1980 on Nov 20, 2009

  9. Aunts, Uncles of course. First cousins, and no children from the cousins. If that is still too much only Aunts and Uncles, and explain why because I’m sure they will ask why not the cousins.

    Now as fare as the smaller side of the family, again if you don’t or can’t invite cousins,from the larger side you shouldn’t from the smaller side.Only Aunt and Uncle. Believe me family’s count who was from each side, who had children who didn’t

    Nieces and nephew’s from brothers and sisters are an exception ,to the no kids rule. You are making no sense, you say they can’t afford all of the cousins and their children to come to the wedding.

    And yet when we offer a solution, and say don’t invite the kids, We are told that , "We always have the kids to our events" So I guess they have no choice but to have a huge wedding that they can’t afford!!

    Or have them Elope!.
    References :

    By grammie on Nov 20, 2009

  10. There’s really not a one-size-fits-all answer to this, because each situation is unique. The one rule that serves everyone best is to be consistent, even if it means the wedding is smaller or larger than someone had wanted. If no cousins at all are invited, this is just a disappointment perhaps; if some are and some not, this starts a multigenerational family war :)

    We ended up describing ours as "close family and friends" and close family meant our sibs and parents. We HAD to draw the line there.
    References :

    By Messykatt on Nov 20, 2009

  11. I am getting married on FRIDAY! and when it came to invites…i invited WHOEVER the heck i wanted. I didn’t invite aunts and uncles i don’t really know or hear from. I actually invited one cousin but not her two siblings. We were on a budget…but that aside I would have invited the same people. Only invite the people that are in your "daily/weekly" lives, the people that care about you and the people that know you.

    Don’t worry about upsetting people… because the only people you may or may not be upsetting are the ones you don’t talk to anyways!

    REMEMBER: IT IS YOUR (hypothetically) WEDDING!!

    Hope that helps!
    References :

    By dhat224 on Nov 20, 2009

  12. For my husband and I, the #1 most important thing on our wedding day was to include all of our family members. He has a huge family, I do not. But we knew that we were not going to leave any family off the invite list, so we budgeted our wedding accordingly. We wanted more guests, so we cut back on many other options so that we could afford to have all of our loved ones with us.
    References :

    By Seafoam Green on Nov 20, 2009

  13. Personally I think there are a bunch of factors that play into this… the main ones being budget and relationships. Regardless of blood lines I think who is or isn’t invited should be based on the relationship the couple has with the person in question. If they only rarely talk to each other at family events the extended family member probably doesn’t even want to go.

    If the bride and or groom are just really sociable and know a lot of people and are close to their entire family… well, that means that the wedding needs to planned to accomidate for a large group.
    References :

    By jenn on Nov 20, 2009

  14. this is how we solved the issue: any family members that we have not seen for two years or not had contact with for three years or longer did not get invited. we sent announcements along with a wedding photo to those who were not invited just to let them know the ‘deed’ was done! lol
    the year following our wedding there was a family reunion and everyone was there – no one harboured any hard feelings about not being invited to the wedding.
    References :

    By just me! on Nov 20, 2009

Post a Comment

© 2010 - Wedding Invitation Etiquette - Theme by XHTMLValid.com