If you are planning a very small church wedding is it poor etiquette to not invite the congregation ?

January 11, 2010

We are planning a very small, simple ceremony at our church for my daughter & her fiance. The groom is VERY shy and would like the wedding to be immediate family & close friends ONLY. Would it be improper etiquette to NOT issue an invitation to the members of the church where the ceremony & reception will be held? The pastor of the church will be presiding over the ceremony & we will be using the church pianist & organist , all of whom will be paid for their services . Does that mean we automatically have to issue an open invitation to the church members. We dont want to offend anyone but at the same time it would make the groom very uncomfortable to have that many people present. Another consideration is the reception and the difference in the cost for a small reception for family or a large reception to accomadate a large church crowd. What would be the best way to handle the situation?

No, just invite who you want to be there. Although, don’t invite half the congregation and not the other half. That could be taken as an offense. Just invite family and really close friends and when people ask about it, just say that they only wanted a very small ceremony.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette

  1. 12 Responses to “If you are planning a very small church wedding is it poor etiquette to not invite the congregation ?”

  2. No, you dont have to invite the congregation. I certainly wouldnt want them all there sticky beaking. And would you invite them all to the reception too? I dont think so,.
    I guess you cant stop them from turning up for a looksie but there is no need to formally invite them.
    Have there who you want.
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    By bluegirl6 on Jan 11, 2010

  3. I don’t think that it’s poor etiquette not to invite the whole congregation. A wedding is an intimate moment and the wishes of teh bride and groom should be most important. I wouldn’t have liked to share this moment with a crowd of strangers or as-good-as-strangers either and I think the congregation will be understanding.
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    By Stephanie P on Jan 11, 2010

  4. I dont think you should feel obligated to invite the whole congregation. If you are wanting it to be just relatives and close friends, then thats all it should be. I’m sure everyone will understand. If it is a big issue, consider inviting the congregation to a type of "gathering" in celebration…

    I hate to compare these two things, but its like a funeral, sometimes anyone can come to the memorial service that is in the newspaper, but the actual burial can be reserved for close friends and family… once again, I’m sorry to compare these two things, but thats the only example I can think of right now
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    By Erica W on Jan 11, 2010

  5. It’s THEIR wedding. They should be allowed to only have close friends and family if that’s all they want. You could put an annoucement in your church bulletin about them getting married or their engagment (the parents of so and so are delighted to announce the engagement of their daughter to so and so the son of blah yadda), but I certianly wouldn’t invite and entire congregation. If there are people from your church that you are close with or the bride and groom are close with you can invite them, after all if you (the parents) are paying for it, then you should be able to invite a few people as well.

    How big is your congregation? I lived in a town of about 40,000 people and attended 1 of 2 catholic churches, so there was at least 9-10 (probably not as many regular attendees) thousand people there, and that would be insane and unexpected to invite all of them.

    But as with everyone, I don’t believe it would be poor etiquette by any means.
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    By Courteepontsh on Jan 11, 2010

  6. You can invite whoever you want to the wedding. I was very close to my church family and had an open church wedding. A few Sundays before, it was announced when the wedding would be, and that everyone was invited.

    However, many people at my church have sent out invitations, and never announced the wedding at church. It is totally up to you. Its also understandable if you don’t want to pay for that many people to eat! (And if the groom is terribly shy!) Send out invitations to only those you want to attend. Just because you are having it at that church doesn’t mean everyone can come.
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    By kay405 on Jan 11, 2010

  7. no, invite who ever you want, it’s your wedding.
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    By ♥Jannah♥ on Jan 11, 2010

  8. No, just invite who you want to be there. Although, don’t invite half the congregation and not the other half. That could be taken as an offense. Just invite family and really close friends and when people ask about it, just say that they only wanted a very small ceremony.
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    Associate pastor at a church, my job duties include coordinating all the weddings here – some are small and private and some invite everyone.

    By dude4∞ on Jan 11, 2010

  9. You do not need to invite all the parish members to either the wedding or to the reception. If your son-in-law and daughter prefer a smaller affair, keeping it simple and private meets their wishes and gives you more budget flexibility.
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    By My thoughts on Jan 11, 2010

  10. No, you do not have to invite the church members to your wedding, and I would not do that even if I wasn’t shy.

    However, church etiquette is that members of a church parish are welcome to attend any event that takes place inside the church. In common practice, most church members do NOT attend weddings to which they are not invited, so you should not worry about that. Most of them probably wouldn’t even be interested in attending.

    Even if a person does attend the wedding, that does NOT mean they would be welcome to attend the wedding reception, which is considered a totally separate, and personal, occasion.
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    By mia2kl2002 on Jan 11, 2010

  11. I never heard of inviting the entire congregation of a church to a wedding in my life until I started looking in here, so I guess I’d have to say no, it isn’t rude.
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    By melouofs on Jan 12, 2010

  12. No, you do not have to invite the congregation. Even if you attend the church, you only have to invite those people in their lives who are close to them and they feel comfortable coming.
    You don’t have to address it at all. Pay the members of the church who are performing functions for you, and call it good. No one will be offended, this is common protocol for churches who essentially rent out thier services.
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    By Gracielacey on Jan 12, 2010

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