Wedding Invitation Etiquette

Wedding Invitation Etiquette.?

January 25, 2010

Wedding invitation etiquette states that when inviting an couple who you know are either engaged or in a long-term relationship and who do not live together you either put both names on the invitation and send it to the person you know most OR you send 2 separate invitations to both people.
iVillage’s "Sharon Naylor is the author of The Essential Guide to Wedding Etiquette" has this to say about – "TOP ETIQUETTE MISTAKES IN INVITATIONS: "Putting ‘And Guest’ when the recipient is in a long-term relationship or is engaged. Again, this is a research thing. Find out the names of your guests’ guests – you can call them directly if you have never known their significant other’s name, or ask a friend or relative for the info. It’s a gracious move that is the essence of good invitation etiquette."

http://weddings.ivillage.com/etiquette/etiquette/0,,naylor_bxsvgkr9-3,00.html

Also FrugalBride.com says "and guest" is only to refer to single people to bring a guest.
Follow these rules! Agree?!

Clearly you are referring to your post from earlier about your fiance being invited to his sister’s wedding with his name "and guest" instead of your name. However, you have deleted that question because of how clearly irate and irrational you are about this topic….so now you are looking for confirmation that you were wronged without showing everyone the backstory. *sigh*

To answer your question: Yes, proper etiquette says send two seperate invitations, or send to the parties with both names on the invite…and I think that is the way it should be done. However, sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes they don’t know the partner’s name.

In your case, they want your fiance there, no matter who he is with…because it is his sister’s wedding. Yes, you are engaged, but you are NOT married. Things could change between you and your fiance before the wedding, so by inviting him "and Guest" they are inviting the only sibling of the bride, and allowing him to bring whomever he wishes, since he is not married yet.

Please try not to take it personally, and let it go…Even your name says "Hurt". Come on….it is a piece of paper!! Two words! It was addressed John Doe "and guest"….not addressed to John Doe "and that jerk he is probably marrying". Now, THAT would have been insulting!

Inviting him "and guest" instead of addressing you by name was thoughtless and quite possibly rude, but not malicious. It is someone else’s wedding. If they want to word their invitations in a way that is not proper etiquette, that is their poor manners…not a reason for you to lose your mind.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 19 Comments »

Wedding response etiquette?

January 19, 2010

I’m trying to decide how to set up my response cards which will be included in my wedding invitations. Originally, I was going to do the traditional "mail back" card with the pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelope. However, with other events I have seen a serious lack of response from doing that. It’s almost as if people are too lazy to drop a pre-paid piece of mail in the mailbox.

I’m thinking about asking my guests to RSVP only to a wedding website (it has a nifty little RSVP function on it that it really simple to use), or for the people who may not have access to computers or the internet, add my phone number. Do you guys think I would get a better response that way? Or is this one of those "wedding etiquette" rules that I don’t even know I’m breaking?

Thanks!

Congrats.

I understand your frustration. I’ve been there myself. It’s still good etiquette to send the pre-stamped, pre-addressed RSVP cards or postcards for the convenience of your guests for medium to large formal and semiformal weddings. If you see how difficult it is to get responses with a convenient pre-stamped , pre-addressed card, don’t expect that they will write you a note of acceptance with their own stationary themselves. Most people lead much busier lives today than the high society people of yesterday where letter writing and penmanship was an art.

You can also include the website RSVP info. to give them an alternative. Add your phone number as well if you like, but then you’ll have to field phone calls when you might be busy with your planning. You want to make this convienient for you as well.

If you’re having a casual wedding, a website RSVP info. and/or phone number should suffice. There’s more flexibility with small casual weddings.

For all of these options, if you don’t receive RSVPS by the deadline, split up your "nonresponses" with your fiance, bridesmaids, etc. and call to verify attendance. It will be easier for you that way. Your "nonresponse" list will be a much shorter call list than a FULL invite list. You and your wedding party don’t want to be calling, leaving messages, and recalling EVERYBODY you’re inviting with wedding planning and other things to do.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 15 Comments »

proper etiquette for wedding invitations?

January 15, 2010

Which is correct??
Jane Jana Smith
and
James Jim Smith
Request the Honor of your presence at the celebration of their wedding

OR
Jane Jana Smith
and
James Jim Smith
Request the Honour of your presence at the celebration of their wedding

My Question is regarding the HONOR vs HONOUR

ps not real name

Is it "honour" or "honor", "favour" or "favor"?

The old English spellings of "honour" and "favour" are usually preferred. But again this is a matter of personal choice and should reflect the formality of your invitation and event.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 7 Comments »

If you are planning a very small church wedding is it poor etiquette to not invite the congregation ?

January 11, 2010

We are planning a very small, simple ceremony at our church for my daughter & her fiance. The groom is VERY shy and would like the wedding to be immediate family & close friends ONLY. Would it be improper etiquette to NOT issue an invitation to the members of the church where the ceremony & reception will be held? The pastor of the church will be presiding over the ceremony & we will be using the church pianist & organist , all of whom will be paid for their services . Does that mean we automatically have to issue an open invitation to the church members. We dont want to offend anyone but at the same time it would make the groom very uncomfortable to have that many people present. Another consideration is the reception and the difference in the cost for a small reception for family or a large reception to accomadate a large church crowd. What would be the best way to handle the situation?

No, just invite who you want to be there. Although, don’t invite half the congregation and not the other half. That could be taken as an offense. Just invite family and really close friends and when people ask about it, just say that they only wanted a very small ceremony.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 12 Comments »

Proper Etiquette for wording Wedding Invitations?

January 8, 2010

My parents are paying for everything for the wedding, My fiance’s parents are divorced & aren’t paying for anything, He & I are paying the grooms portion. So, when I went to word my wedding invitations I was worried whether or not I should put my parents names & his parents names or not, and since his parents are divorced but his mother hasn’t reverted to her maiden name, I don’t want to announce them as Mr. & Mrs. because I feel they would be upset. His mothers phone is cut off & his father & I don’t really get along, his in the marines & is in a place where I can’t call him to ask him.
So I was wondering is it Poor etiquette for me to just have it worded as My parents?
Ex:
Mr. & Mrs. James Alan would like the pleasure of your
attendance at their daughter
Samantha Megan Alan
who will be marrying
Michael Damien Doe
on the…..
blah blah blah,
that isn’t how i worded mine. but you get the idea.

It would be more like:

Mr & Mrs James Alan request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Samantha Megan Alan to
Michael Damien Doe, etc.

Typically you acknowledge who’s paying and you don’t have to worry about it, but if you want to include his parents it would go on to say:

Michael Damien Doe
son of Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Mary Doe

Separating them that way is an indication that they are not a married couple.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 10 Comments »

Is it poor wedding etiquette to bring a same sex friend as your ‘date’?

January 2, 2010

I have been invited to a wedding in Denver (I live in California) for an old friend of mine. My college roomate also lives in Denver – so I thought it would be fun to bring her along as my ‘date’ since I I’ll be staying at her house and I won’t really know anyone at the wedding. I am married, but its really not in the budget for both my husband and I to fly to Denver. The invitation was addressed ‘and Guest’ – What is the rule here?

no, people do it all the time. as long as the person you bring ain’t a jerk and has a good time, nobody cares.

[edit] what’s up with the thumbs down? casue i answered in a way that made sense? seriously, if your invite says "guest" then you’re allowed a guest. just as long as they have a good time and are polite with people, that’s all that matters.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 7 Comments »

Wedding etiquette for invitations.?

December 30, 2009

We are getting married, and our entire wedding guest is a max of 50.
The reception is immediately following, in the same location, with a limit of an hour.
The reception includes an open bar and champagne toast.
The wedding/reception takes place approximately 50 miles from our home.
We have a lot of family and friends, so the 50 guest is going to go fast.
a lot of our guest have 2-4 children, the children are also counted as guest and cuts into our max of 50 guest. With this I was thinking of including “adult reception immediately following”
That away people would get the hint no children with out being rude and offensive.
Its not that we don’t want the children there, its just that with a limited guest list, the children take up 1/3 of it and we will be unable to invite more people that we would like to come.
Can you please help me with any other ideas, or give your opinion. I really don’t want to come across rude, or people to take it the wrong way. Please please help!!!!!! Thanks so very very much!!!

We can not up the guest, it’s a planned set amount due to the location of the wedding.
And this is the wedding we have wanted so it’s a downfall, to our perfect wedding.

Etiquette state you shouldn’t put Adult only" on your invitations.
The outside envelope should say
Mr and Mrs Doe
inside envelope should say
Joe and Jane
No family or kids names.
Unfortunately some people don’t have a clue this means children are not invited.
Since you are only having 50 guests I would let it travel by word of mouth this is an adult only wedding.
I had 90 guests at my wedding and filled out the invitations as above. I did have one cousin reply back with her children included. I called her and explained that we would love to see their children, but this was an adult only reception and could I still put you and your husband down as coming? I didn’t go into an explanation as to why children weren’t invited. Sorry but that can open you up to. Oh I will pay for them to come, or they can sit on my lap, or they won’t be any trouble.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 7 Comments »

Wedding Invitation Wording?

December 27, 2009

Hi,

I’ve been going back and forth on so many aspects of my wedding invitations. One moment I think I have it, then I read a new guide/post/discussion on wedding etiquette and I am up in chaos again. This is what’s going on:

1) My parents divorced when I was 11
2) My Mom remarried when I was 12
3) My mom and step-father divorced when I was 20
4) My Dad remarried when I was 22
5) My step-father is still a huge part of my life and I still call him dad even legally now he is not
6) We will not be serving alcohol at the reception but might possibly have a champagne toast
7) We do not want kids under the age of 15 attending for location and budget reasons

All parties here are chipping in for the cost of the wedding along with me and my fiance. I don’t want to leave anyone exluded and have worded my invitation for the hosting as:

“Together with their families
<My name>
and
<my Fiances’ name>…”

As for the no children part, I included the last line with,

“Adults only reception to immediately follow in the back gardens”

On the reception card, I want to somehow name out all my parents and would like to use previous advice with,

Ms. <My mom’s name>
Mr. and Mrs. <My dad’s full name to include my step-mom>
Mr. <Stepfather’s name>
Request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception
following the ceremony
in the back gardens of the mansion

Does this ramble too much? Is there a way to streamline it a bit?

Also, I want to include more information on the ‘no-kids’ part by somewhere including our wedding site address where we speak more on our reason not to include kids along with the cut off age. Where would be the best place to include this information? On the invitation or the reception card?

I know everyone has their own opinions on whether or not kids should be invited but as we are on a budget especially with the economy, to invite all the kids in both our families would add too much expense to our wedding for us to reasonably afford.

You’re not obligated to invite children to your wedding, but you’d let your guests know who is invited only by listing the names of the guests invited on the inner envelope and omitting the names of those you do not want to invite.

Your wording would depend on the formality and venue. The wording you are using is informal and not usually used for a church wedding.
Get yourself a good wedding etiquette book like Peggy Post’s Etiquette which should serve you well.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 9 Comments »

Need help with wedding etiquette?

December 25, 2009

I need help with a few things here..
1. How early before the wedding should invitations be sent out? [We didn't do Save-the-Dates]
2. They say it’s rude to send where you’re registered in the invitation.. So how do people know?
3. Would it be rude to not send a stamped and self-addressed envelope with the RSVP cards?
4. Do bridesmaids already know that they buy their own dresses, or should I tell them?

Thanks for all your help!

1- You should send out your invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Any sooner and you risk the invitations getting lost on people’s kitchen counters and forgotten about. Any later and you risk the possibility of the guests already having plans for that day.

2-People will know where you’re registered in one of two ways: they will either call up your parents, MOH, bridesmaids, etc. and ask where you are registered, or they will receive the registry info from your MOH and bridesmaids when they send them the bridal shower invitation. another way they could find out is if you have a wedding website, because it’s perfectly acceptable to post registry info on there.

3- Yes, you must send a stamped, self-addressed RSVP card. One way to cut down on the expense is to have RSVP postcards instead. Postcards only need about half as much postage as a regular envelope.

4- Most bridesmaids assume that they are responsible for the cost of their wedding attire, but if you suspect for any reason that one of them expects you to pay for it, just tactfully let them know that the cost is their responsibility as one of their bridesmaid duties. (Like you could say, "I picked out this dress because I thought it would be an option that all of the bridesmaids can easily afford.")

Good luck!

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 19 Comments »

Need info on wedding etiquette when it comes to invitations?

December 19, 2009

If we are inviting people to the evening do only, do you still invite them to the church? Also, there would be a waiting time between the wedding which starts at 12 pm and the evening do at 7 pm…so if they were coming to just the evening reception, they would have a wait….

If you are inviting certain people to the evening do only then you wouldn’t invite them to the church. You can get separate invitations for people you intend to just invite to the evening part than from the people you are inviting for the full day.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 3 Comments »