Wedding Invitation Etiquette

August 6, 2008

Organizing your wedding can be full of unexpected challenges. If you want to avoid embarrassing oversights in your planning, you may need to do a bit of research on the correct way to address your invitations.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette is just one of the many aspects of your planning that should not be overlooked. This is sometimes the first time your guests will know of your plans, so to make sure you make a great first impression, follow the simple rules of wedding invitation etiquette.

Some things to consider when addressing your invitation envelopes:

The outer envelope is usually the more formal and should use the title and full name of the invitee.

  1. Should you us Ms or Miss for a divorced female guest? (Always use Miss)
  2. How do you indicate your invitee can bring a date? (On the outer envelope use the invitee name only, but on the inner envelope you can add “and Guest”)
  3. What is the proper etiquette for addressing envelopes to titled guests? (Use the invitees title and full name on the outer envelope, and just the title and last name on the inner envelope)
  4. Is there a correct way to invite the children of your guests? (Add the first names only of the children on the inner envelope under the names of the parents)
  5. What if the couple you want to invite are not married but are living together? (Address the outer and inner envelopes with eg ‘Mr. John Doe and Miss Mary Brown’)

These are just some of the challenges of writing an invitation, and proper wedding invitation etiquette is not difficult once you understand the rules.

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I Now Pronounce You Paid In Full

October 6, 2009

Who Pays for What During the Wedding Celebrations

There’s no two ways about it: weddings are expensive. Paying for every detail is enough to drain
any family’s financial coffers and – even worse – leave them wrestling with debt. Especially for new couples paying their own way during the wedding, the expenses quickly add up.

The following is a traditional guide to dividing expenses equally and fairly among the four major participants in planning the four main parts of the wedding celebration: rehearsal dinner, ceremony, reception, and honeymoon. These are guidelines more than rules, and are intended to show tradition more than carved-in-stone etiquette.

The Bride’s Family

There’s a popular misconception among the unmarried of the world that the bride’s family foots the entire bill. That’s not entirely true, though unfortunately it may feel that way for the father of the bride! Traditionally, the bride’s family finances the reception dinner with all its facets: the food, drink, venue, service staff (including tips), flower arrangements, wedding favors, and any other miscellany. The bride’s family also pays for many of the necessities leading up to the ceremony: these usually include the bridal gown, the wedding invitations and save-the-date reminders, as well as the engagement and wedding photographs.

Finally (!) the wedding ceremony costs, the photographer and videographer fees, the cost of the ring bearer
and flower girl accessories, the transportation costs and bridesmaids bouquets are all picked up by the bride’s family. Honestly… if you’re the parent of a young girl, start saving right now.

The Bride
Compared to her family, the bride gets off relatively easy. Brides traditionally pay for the groom’s wedding band, gifts for her ridesmaids, the bridesmaids’ luncheon, her blood test fees, and the wedding day lingerie. In the strictest traditional sense, the bride should also pay for her out-of-town bridesmaids accommodations.

The Groom
Okay, guys. Time to pony up. Following the engagement ring (that two-month’s salary guideline is passé, by the way) you’ve still got a few things left to buy. You’ll pay for the honeymoon, the marriage license, and gifts for your groomsmen. The gentleman groom, however, also pays for the bridal bouquet and corsages for your mother and your new mother-in-law.

You’ll also pick up the boutonnieres, ties, and accessories for the groomsmen, and finally the bride’s wedding ring. Gifts for the ushers and for your parents go the extra distance to showing your class. You should also pay the honorarium for the judge, justice of the peace, or clergyman who officiates the ceremony, too.

The Groom’s Family
Besides their own attire, the groom’s family is responsible for the rehearsal dinner and all its details.

The Maid of Honor
Bachelorette parties and wedding showers are the responsibility of the maid of honor. This includes all the details, top to bottom.

The Best Man
The best man is master of ceremonies and godfather of the bachelor party, from the planning to the execution to pouring all the guests into cabs at the end of the night. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it.

The Groomsmen and Bridesmaids
Most of the attire – for example, the tuxedo rental and costs of the gown – are the responsibility of the individual wedding party member. They also give a gift to the newlyweds. Groomsmen arriving from out-of-town are also expected to pay for their accommodations.

My Wedding Favors has a complete selection of elegant yet inexpensive wedding favors to fit any taste and style. We also carry a complete selection of groomsmen and bridesmaids gifts. Visit us online at www.myweddingfavors.com to browse our complete catalog.


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Muslim Wedding Etiquette?

January 30, 2010

I am honoured to have just received a wedding invitation from a Bangladeshi Muslim colleague. I have every intention of going, but I obviously do not wish to inadvertently cause offence (I’m white C of E).

Can anyone let me know what to expect from the Ceremony itself…advise me on what to wear, including appropriate head covering… what are appropriate gifts, and if money then how much?

The Bride herself has far too much to do at the moment to bother her with such questions, and my other Asian friends are either Hindu or from different provinces/countries… so I am hoping someone on here can help :-)

Thanks in advance!
Thanks King Aqua … a subdued trouser suit, with something bright in the headscarf/shawl line should be fine then?

What about gifts?
Thanks Xlnc :-)

II know that the Bride’s Father and his family are quite conservative, which is why I have decided on trousers (much easier to avoid any inadvertent skin showing!)… I’m now thinking of a rather elegant, sleeved tunic style top, probably in gold with black embroidery and beadwork and a matching scarf …

I’m in the UK and lucky enough to live in a very cosmopolitan town so I can get one of the local tailors to make the top for me in time for the wedding and do the beadwork myself (it is only 3 weeks away). gold and black slippers should be easy to find here too :-)

I think I’ve decided on a very nice polished granite pestle and mortar for the gift … practical for grinding herbs (I know R has been properly trained by her Mum to cook!), and also an attractive item if she wishes to use it just for display.

Thank you both so much for taking time to help me out on this – I really appreciate it!

look,, its more culturally than religiously when it comes to weddings, so just dress up formally and no need to wear any head cover or anything cuz ur not bangali. u should know that muslims usually separate men and women in weddings, but not all the times. so just go there be natural and if ur a female, u can put an elegant scarf on ur head, if u dont desier then dont… and thats it. im not bangali but im muslim, and never mind any other costumes cuz those are all traditional bangali, not islamic…
have fun and if u need any other specific info feel free to email me

ur right, that outfit would be great.. and for the gifts thing just use ur thoughts and tatse ( which actually seems to be so elegant cuz ur asking these questions that show ur high politness level ) any way, for the gift thing again, as i said just go with ur chioce and be sure its not a bottle of fine wine or sumthin.( cuz in islam people are prohibited to drink alcoholic drinks ) and thats it…
have the best time and tell me how it was ?? ;)

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 2 Comments »

Wedding invitation etiquette?

January 28, 2010

I sent my wedding invitations out over 3 weeks ago. I’m still not getting responses. I guess this is more of a rant…I cannot believe that people are so rude and haven’t returned their replies by the deadline!

My question…if the BRIDE herself personally called you and asked you if you were ever going to send back an RSVP, would you feel embarrased? It’s bad enough that I don’t want half of these people coming…my family is huge and we have to invite all of them or become the outcasts. I haven’t seen most of them since I was 2 years old…and I would never be able to point half of them out in a crowd!

Anyway, what is the best way to get my point across to these losers who have absolutely NO etiquette? I’ll be calling them all within the next day or so.

Thanks,
Bridezilla

I had the same problem. We gave them 6 weeks to reply but needed a number for the caterers after the deadline.
I called everyone who didn’t return the RSVP card. I didn’t beat around the bush but simply told them that I hadn’t received the reply card and was trying to get more definite numbers of who would be attending. They all understood this and simply replied to me over the phone.

I agree it is quite rude. If they expect to be fed, they should send in their numbers so there is enough food!

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 17 Comments »

Wedding Invitation Etiquette.?

January 25, 2010

Wedding invitation etiquette states that when inviting an couple who you know are either engaged or in a long-term relationship and who do not live together you either put both names on the invitation and send it to the person you know most OR you send 2 separate invitations to both people.
iVillage’s "Sharon Naylor is the author of The Essential Guide to Wedding Etiquette" has this to say about – "TOP ETIQUETTE MISTAKES IN INVITATIONS: "Putting ‘And Guest’ when the recipient is in a long-term relationship or is engaged. Again, this is a research thing. Find out the names of your guests’ guests – you can call them directly if you have never known their significant other’s name, or ask a friend or relative for the info. It’s a gracious move that is the essence of good invitation etiquette."
http://weddings.ivillage.com/etiquette/etiquette/0,,naylor_bxsvgkr9-3,00.html
Also FrugalBride.com says "and guest" is only to refer to single people to bring a guest.
Follow these rules! Agree?!

Clearly you are referring to your post from earlier about your fiance being invited to his sister’s wedding with his name "and guest" instead of your name. However, you have deleted that question because of how clearly irate and irrational you are about this topic….so now you are looking for confirmation that you were wronged without showing everyone the backstory. *sigh*

To answer your question: Yes, proper etiquette says send two seperate invitations, or send to the parties with both names on the invite…and I think that is the way it should be done. However, sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes they don’t know the partner’s name.

In your case, they want your fiance there, no matter who he is with…because it is his sister’s wedding. Yes, you are engaged, but you are NOT married. Things could change between you and your fiance before the wedding, so by inviting him "and Guest" they are inviting the only sibling of the bride, and allowing him to bring whomever he wishes, since he is not married yet.

Please try not to take it personally, and let it go…Even your name says "Hurt". Come on….it is a piece of paper!! Two words! It was addressed John Doe "and guest"….not addressed to John Doe "and that jerk he is probably marrying". Now, THAT would have been insulting!

Inviting him "and guest" instead of addressing you by name was thoughtless and quite possibly rude, but not malicious. It is someone else’s wedding. If they want to word their invitations in a way that is not proper etiquette, that is their poor manners…not a reason for you to lose your mind.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 18 Comments »

Wedding response etiquette?

January 19, 2010

I’m trying to decide how to set up my response cards which will be included in my wedding invitations. Originally, I was going to do the traditional "mail back" card with the pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelope. However, with other events I have seen a serious lack of response from doing that. It’s almost as if people are too lazy to drop a pre-paid piece of mail in the mailbox.

I’m thinking about asking my guests to RSVP only to a wedding website (it has a nifty little RSVP function on it that it really simple to use), or for the people who may not have access to computers or the internet, add my phone number. Do you guys think I would get a better response that way? Or is this one of those "wedding etiquette" rules that I don’t even know I’m breaking?

Thanks!

Congrats.

I understand your frustration. I’ve been there myself. It’s still good etiquette to send the pre-stamped, pre-addressed RSVP cards or postcards for the convenience of your guests for medium to large formal and semiformal weddings. If you see how difficult it is to get responses with a convenient pre-stamped , pre-addressed card, don’t expect that they will write you a note of acceptance with their own stationary themselves. Most people lead much busier lives today than the high society people of yesterday where letter writing and penmanship was an art.

You can also include the website RSVP info. to give them an alternative. Add your phone number as well if you like, but then you’ll have to field phone calls when you might be busy with your planning. You want to make this convienient for you as well.

If you’re having a casual wedding, a website RSVP info. and/or phone number should suffice. There’s more flexibility with small casual weddings.

For all of these options, if you don’t receive RSVPS by the deadline, split up your "nonresponses" with your fiance, bridesmaids, etc. and call to verify attendance. It will be easier for you that way. Your "nonresponse" list will be a much shorter call list than a FULL invite list. You and your wedding party don’t want to be calling, leaving messages, and recalling EVERYBODY you’re inviting with wedding planning and other things to do.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 15 Comments »

proper etiquette for wedding invitations?

January 15, 2010

Which is correct??
Jane Jana Smith
and
James Jim Smith
Request the Honor of your presence at the celebration of their wedding

OR
Jane Jana Smith
and
James Jim Smith
Request the Honour of your presence at the celebration of their wedding

My Question is regarding the HONOR vs HONOUR

ps not real name :D

Is it "honour" or "honor", "favour" or "favor"?

The old English spellings of "honour" and "favour" are usually preferred. But again this is a matter of personal choice and should reflect the formality of your invitation and event.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 7 Comments »

If you are planning a very small church wedding is it poor etiquette to not invite the congregation ?

January 11, 2010

We are planning a very small, simple ceremony at our church for my daughter & her fiance. The groom is VERY shy and would like the wedding to be immediate family & close friends ONLY. Would it be improper etiquette to NOT issue an invitation to the members of the church where the ceremony & reception will be held? The pastor of the church will be presiding over the ceremony & we will be using the church pianist & organist , all of whom will be paid for their services . Does that mean we automatically have to issue an open invitation to the church members. We dont want to offend anyone but at the same time it would make the groom very uncomfortable to have that many people present. Another consideration is the reception and the difference in the cost for a small reception for family or a large reception to accomadate a large church crowd. What would be the best way to handle the situation?

No, just invite who you want to be there. Although, don’t invite half the congregation and not the other half. That could be taken as an offense. Just invite family and really close friends and when people ask about it, just say that they only wanted a very small ceremony.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 12 Comments »

Proper Etiquette for wording Wedding Invitations?

January 8, 2010

My parents are paying for everything for the wedding, My fiance’s parents are divorced & aren’t paying for anything, He & I are paying the grooms portion. So, when I went to word my wedding invitations I was worried whether or not I should put my parents names & his parents names or not, and since his parents are divorced but his mother hasn’t reverted to her maiden name, I don’t want to announce them as Mr. & Mrs. because I feel they would be upset. His mothers phone is cut off & his father & I don’t really get along, his in the marines & is in a place where I can’t call him to ask him.
So I was wondering is it Poor etiquette for me to just have it worded as My parents?
Ex:
Mr. & Mrs. James Alan would like the pleasure of your
attendance at their daughter
Samantha Megan Alan
who will be marrying
Michael Damien Doe
on the…..
blah blah blah,
that isn’t how i worded mine. but you get the idea.

It would be more like:

Mr & Mrs James Alan request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Samantha Megan Alan to
Michael Damien Doe, etc.

Typically you acknowledge who’s paying and you don’t have to worry about it, but if you want to include his parents it would go on to say:

Michael Damien Doe
son of Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Mary Doe

Separating them that way is an indication that they are not a married couple.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 10 Comments »

Is it poor wedding etiquette to bring a same sex friend as your ‘date’?

January 2, 2010

I have been invited to a wedding in Denver (I live in California) for an old friend of mine. My college roomate also lives in Denver – so I thought it would be fun to bring her along as my ‘date’ since I I’ll be staying at her house and I won’t really know anyone at the wedding. I am married, but its really not in the budget for both my husband and I to fly to Denver. The invitation was addressed ‘and Guest’ – What is the rule here?

no, people do it all the time. as long as the person you bring ain’t a jerk and has a good time, nobody cares.

[edit] what’s up with the thumbs down? casue i answered in a way that made sense? seriously, if your invite says "guest" then you’re allowed a guest. just as long as they have a good time and are polite with people, that’s all that matters.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 7 Comments »

Wedding etiquette for invitations.?

December 30, 2009

We are getting married, and our entire wedding guest is a max of 50.
The reception is immediately following, in the same location, with a limit of an hour.
The reception includes an open bar and champagne toast.
The wedding/reception takes place approximately 50 miles from our home.
We have a lot of family and friends, so the 50 guest is going to go fast.
a lot of our guest have 2-4 children, the children are also counted as guest and cuts into our max of 50 guest. With this I was thinking of including “adult reception immediately following”
That away people would get the hint no children with out being rude and offensive.
Its not that we don’t want the children there, its just that with a limited guest list, the children take up 1/3 of it and we will be unable to invite more people that we would like to come.
Can you please help me with any other ideas, or give your opinion. I really don’t want to come across rude, or people to take it the wrong way. Please please help!!!!!! Thanks so very very much!!!

We can not up the guest, it’s a planned set amount due to the location of the wedding.
And this is the wedding we have wanted so it’s a downfall, to our perfect wedding.

Etiquette state you shouldn’t put Adult only" on your invitations.
The outside envelope should say
Mr and Mrs Doe
inside envelope should say
Joe and Jane
No family or kids names.
Unfortunately some people don’t have a clue this means children are not invited.
Since you are only having 50 guests I would let it travel by word of mouth this is an adult only wedding.
I had 90 guests at my wedding and filled out the invitations as above. I did have one cousin reply back with her children included. I called her and explained that we would love to see their children, but this was an adult only reception and could I still put you and your husband down as coming? I didn’t go into an explanation as to why children weren’t invited. Sorry but that can open you up to. Oh I will pay for them to come, or they can sit on my lap, or they won’t be any trouble.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 7 Comments »

Wedding Invitation Wording?

December 27, 2009

Hi,

I’ve been going back and forth on so many aspects of my wedding invitations. One moment I think I have it, then I read a new guide/post/discussion on wedding etiquette and I am up in chaos again. This is what’s going on:

1) My parents divorced when I was 11
2) My Mom remarried when I was 12
3) My mom and step-father divorced when I was 20
4) My Dad remarried when I was 22
5) My step-father is still a huge part of my life and I still call him dad even legally now he is not
6) We will not be serving alcohol at the reception but might possibly have a champagne toast
7) We do not want kids under the age of 15 attending for location and budget reasons

All parties here are chipping in for the cost of the wedding along with me and my fiance. I don’t want to leave anyone exluded and have worded my invitation for the hosting as:

“Together with their families
<My name>
and
<my Fiances’ name>…”

As for the no children part, I included the last line with,

“Adults only reception to immediately follow in the back gardens”

On the reception card, I want to somehow name out all my parents and would like to use previous advice with,

Ms. <My mom’s name>
Mr. and Mrs. <My dad’s full name to include my step-mom>
Mr. <Stepfather’s name>
Request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception
following the ceremony
in the back gardens of the mansion

Does this ramble too much? Is there a way to streamline it a bit?

Also, I want to include more information on the ‘no-kids’ part by somewhere including our wedding site address where we speak more on our reason not to include kids along with the cut off age. Where would be the best place to include this information? On the invitation or the reception card?

I know everyone has their own opinions on whether or not kids should be invited but as we are on a budget especially with the economy, to invite all the kids in both our families would add too much expense to our wedding for us to reasonably afford.

You’re not obligated to invite children to your wedding, but you’d let your guests know who is invited only by listing the names of the guests invited on the inner envelope and omitting the names of those you do not want to invite.

Your wording would depend on the formality and venue. The wording you are using is informal and not usually used for a church wedding.
Get yourself a good wedding etiquette book like Peggy Post’s Etiquette which should serve you well.

Posted in: wedding invitation etiquette | 9 Comments »

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